Evilution

Actually, dinosaurs are an atheist plot to get kids to believe in evilution.

Ooops, no, he can't use alcohol, either. That's produced by fermentation, which is studied and optimized by evil biologists and chemists, almost all of whom believe in evilution.

I don't care if every man, woman and child, from the first conscious ape (if you believe in evilution) to the last man standing, if they all believe that "X" is wrong and "Y" is right, it is still a relative ethic.