Fauxpology

What satirist could then top Texas Republican Joe Barton's coerced, linguistically mangled fauxpology? "If anything I said this morning has been misconstrued to the opposite effect I want to apologize for that misconstrued misconstruction." Translation: It's your fault for hearing me right the first time.

The old “sorry if I upset you” route is the go-to tactic of politicians, celebrities, media corporations and spouses for a reason. It looks and smells like an apology, but acknowledges no wrongdoing. It’s a fauxpology.

“Hey love. How'sit?” Jena greets without even a fauxpology for her lateness.