Lentil-weaving

A home birth does not make you a lentil-weaving hippy or a dangerous, selfish nutter who is putting herself and her baby at risk.

Imagine yourself as a beautiful, lentil weaving, Ma Walton type mother and after a while, you start to become the imagined mother!

How would lentil-weaving Guardian readers have fared in a land without dishwashers populated by toughs with beard lice? Badly, is my guess.