Scouse

He's got a broad Scouse accent.

Tom left Liverpool 30 years ago, but he still has a scouse accent.

When my play Windermere opened at the Clerkenwell Theatre in London, up against Russell's mighty Blood Brothers, I was proud that it boasted a majority Scouse cast.

The Scouses, not known for their wit, responded with the 'Munich runway' chant. And, golly gosh, nearly the whole stadium sang back. Who knows, this chanting might really take off one day.

The soft and friendly version of the Scouse accent has helped to turn Liverpool into Britain's favourite location for call centres.

Unsurprisingly, given the geography of the area, Liverpool’s scouse isn’t dissimilar to Irish stew or Lancashire hotpot, either, and, like those noble dishes, is eminently practical, easy to make in a small kitchen, or indeed a galley, and to adapt to current circumstances – there’s even a vegetarian variant, blind scouse, for when you can’t, or won’t, run to meat.

But my favourite accent is to be found in Belfast; a Northern Irish accent immediately adds three points to a person’s attractiveness. It has the friendliness of scouse, but is much softer and more charming.