It was almost a surprise to remember that he could be proud—that he was proud—of all that he had seen and done abroad, and to feel himself distinguished by the habituated worldliness that since his homecoming had seemed to mark him only as a deserter, a tiresome condescender, and an apostate — not just of his religion, but of his family, of his country, and even, in some impenetrable way, of himself.
Source: wiktionary