Undershorts

I have one clean pair of undershorts.

I have to buy more undershorts.

It being very warm, I removed all of my clothing except my undershorts and lay down to sleep.

[…] like a mouse [I] hop frantically about on my toes, trying to clear my feet of my undershorts before anybody can peek inside, where, to my chagrin, to my bafflement, to my mortification, I always discover in the bottommost seam a pale and wispy brushstroke of my shit.

I have been debriefed—I believe that is the current expression, though I am always tempted, when I hear it, to make sure I still have my undershorts on—by the mandarins of the External Affairs Ministry.