[I]ndeed I began ſincerely to hate my ſelf for a Dog, a VVretch that had been a Thief, and a Murtherer; […] I vvent about vvith my Heart full of theſe Thoughts, little better than a diſtracted Fellovv; in ſhort, running headlong into the dreadfulleſt Deſpair, and premeditated nothing but hovv to rid my ſelf out of the VVorld; […] nothing lay upon my Mind for ſeveral Days, but to ſhoot my ſelf into the Head vvith my Piſtol.
Source: wiktionary